JavaScript pass by reference and pass by value.

This post is about pass by value and pass by reference in JavaScript. Before going into a topic we need to recall things. non-primitive datatypes are user define data type. they are mutable in…

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I Am Afraid

Most of my life has been lived in fear.

In a society where we’re all supposed to be unstoppable badasses on a quest to live our best life and change the world that statement might seem like weakness. A signal declaring loudly that I have some special internal failing. Saying something like that out loud is sure to gather a parade of gurus, coaches, and the spiritual but not religious throwing a confetti tsunami of advice.

Platitudes rarely have an impact on me. It could be a lack of faith on my part, my autism, or just a general skepticism for any wisdom that can be delivered in simple sparkly packaging. Convenient statements and self-help fired at my fear have all the impact of a BB on an out-of-control freight train.

Fear is one of the first emotions I learned to trust.

Abusive homes produce more fear than anything. Listening to your fear can spare you some pain. Not all of it, but you learn to minimize your exposure. You become a smaller target, smaller than you already are.

Fear alerted me to the right times for masking behavior. It made me seem more normal to those around me who couldn’t accept that my brain just worked differently. An internal spark of terror was an alert that I was engaged in something “abnormal.”

As a fighter, fear kept me sharp. It focused my senses. Made me alert to the movement of my opponent’s body. Fear helped me learn my first grappling defenses and taught me how to counterpunch.

Fear is what drove my muscles to learn. Everything from working backstage in the theatre to combat movements in martial arts to the skills of the military was absorbed by muscles driven by a brain afraid. Fear is the ultimate driver of survival instincts. We do not feel the need to survive things that don’t scare us.

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