My Friend Got Promoted

Help Your Boss Help You — by Ken Kousen (56 / 74)

👈 Offices in Popular Media | TOC | Your Boss Is Not Your Enemy, Either 👉

What if you are friends with a coworker and they get promoted over you? Are you still friends, or not?

Maybe, but it is important to protect yourself. Your friend is now in a position of power over your career, and that changes the relationship. Now your friend is being evaluated by different standards, so their goals and incentives will no longer be the same as yours. Now your friend has to disregard personal issues when making decisions about raises, promotions, or other opportunities or risk being accused of favoritism.

The worst part is, they probably won’t realize you’re not still friends, because the impact for them is different for all the reasons discussed earlier. You’re the one who has to deal with the new situation.

The advice, “your boss is not your friend,” is not meant to end friendships. The idea is to make you aware of the dangers of assuming your manager is your friend. The “walls” you are erecting are internal. You want to establish some emotional distance between yourself and your manager so that you are not hurt when they make professional decisions against you, nor do you overshare personal information with them that could affect decisions they make later.

You don’t have to sit them down and explain the new situation. Why cause trouble unnecessarily, and allow them to argue with you about it? You just need to build the professional distance necessary to handle it when conflicts arise.

Next time you have a talk with your boss, watch for clues you need more emotional distance:

If you find yourself thinking, “a friend wouldn’t do that to me,” you’re probably right and you probably need to adjust your expectations. If, on the other hand, you find yourself about to discuss problems you are having at home with your boss, think about how you might feel later when those issues affect your career.

👈 Offices in Popular Media | TOC | Your Boss Is Not Your Enemy, Either 👉

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